Mom Crush: The Caroline Fullerton Edition
Caroline Fullerton: Mother. Lover. Designer. Explorer of life. Owner of studio 528 hz.
How are you feeling 2 months postpartum?
Since it took me a while to find the chance to do this interview, I’m now 3 months post-partum (baby Quartz is 12 weeks today). I would say 2 month pp and 3 months pp feel a bit different. We have gotten more in the groove of things now and I have learned how to speak “Quartz”. I understand his cues, expressions and needs. The entire pregnancy and the 4th trimester have all had one clear theme for me which has been surrender. And with that I’ve been able to surrender to the transformation. There is no end to the love I have for my son.
As soon as I met him, I realized I’ve known him forever - it’s been such a familiar feeling with him ever since he was born. And becoming a mom has felt so familiar and natural - I’m in awe of that and grateful for it. I’m starting to become a little more social again which has been lifting me up as well. And I look forward now to getting back into doing some things for myself, like working out and taking care of myself.
Tell us about your birth experience. Did you have a birth plan?
I am so happy about my birth experience. The birth was at a birthing center and I gave birth in the tub after laboring for 26 hours. After reflecting on my experience I think if I had leaned into it a bit more and truly let go my labor would have sped up a bit and wouldn’t have lasted as long. I see how majority of it for me was so mental and relied on my ability to surrender and I’m so grateful for the mental preparation and meditation I did leading up to and during labor.
My pregnancy was truly psychedelic, including visions in broad daylight, and the birth felt very in line with that energy. I did have a birth plan which included dimmed lights, beeswax candles burning, a playlist, and affirmations cards that myself my husband and my doula had written (the absolute best birth team ever). Having a natural, unmedicated birth was very important to me because I know the benefits of that for both mom and baby and because it feels more natural to me. I read a lot of stories of positive pain-free and even orgasmic births during pregnancy that helped prep my mind and drown out the people telling me I was crazy for wanting an unmedicated birth. My mom also had 3 unmedicated vaginal births that she has always shared positive stories about, which helped prep me as well.
I also went into the birth knowing that something unexpected could happen and so I didn’t have any expectations, just mainly trying to flow with the experience as it was all new to me. I wanted to feel my version of birth, not what other people told me to expect birth to feel like. It was a very hands-off birth as I had wished as I wanted to be in tune with my body and my baby during the process. It was an intense experience, yet simultaneously it was the best day of my life. My son was born magically right at 2:22 right on a new moon with eyes wide open staring right at his father and I. We also did a lotus birth where we did not cut the cord from the placenta but instead left it intact to fall off on its own. We carried the placenta in a vessel and covered it with salt, herbs and essential oils to help it dry out and preserve it. We will be planting it under a tree during a new moon or full moon in the upcoming months to have a ceremony thanking it for its work.
How would you describe your transition to motherhood?
I feel so much gratitude. It’s a whole world of emotions and the ultimate transformation, but has also felt so natural. I’ve always had self love but that self love has grown so much after giving birth. I feel like the most confident warrior, yet also feel so soft and nurturing. It’s a beautiful duality. I’m also learning how to still be myself fully and authentically while also caring for and nurturing another life that depends on me. There can be a bit of morning within that, but there can also be a profound unfolding of understanding and empowerment.
How do you take care of yourself as a new mom?
Up until a couple of days ago all I was able to do was wash my face and brush my teeth if I was lucky. But I just started trying to do some squats each day, even if I’m holding Quartz, cook some long and slow nourishing meals, and I got back into doing red light therapy. One of my favorite things to do for myself before pregnancy was going to red light therapy. Since I can’t go on a whim anymore I decided to buy a red light panel and have been doing a few minutes of red light therapy in the morning while Quartz enjoys father-son time. It really lifts my spirits and even just 5 minutes of it make me feel like a new and refreshed woman. Pregnancy and being a new mom has also taught me to ask for help and to receive help, which have never been strong suits of mine, but I’m grateful for learning to soften into those areas and be pampered in that way.
What has been the biggest challenge so far?
It’s going so fast. The days blur together and I blinked and already half way through my maternity leave. Also it’s a challenge a lot of days to get anything done because there’s days where he just wants to nurse all day or he only wants to nap in my arms. Baby wearing helps with this sometimes. And I know it won’t last forever, so I just enjoy the time with him! Other things that have popped up as challenges, whether emotional, physical, or communication wise have all come and gone. As with all things in life, those are the roll with the punches things. I’m definitely learning how to not care about having a messy or organized home because it’s quite hard to have that when you have a newborn and it really does not matter one bit in the grand picture.
It sounds cheesy, but really all of it. Becoming a mom is the best thing to ever happen to me. I feel so powerful and the love I feel is absolutely endless. Something dormant inside of my unlocked. But if I have to pick one thing, it’s when he smiles and laughs. He is the most hilarious little boy and already has so much character and personality. It’s such a joy watching his growth and transformations unfold in front of us.
What’s your mom mantra?
Intuition over anything. There are so many ways of doing things and there’s no right or wrong way. No matter how much advice and tips given, baby and parents know best for their unique experience.